Day 4

Today is day 4 of injections. I'm still on 300 units of Gonal F and 10 of LDHCG, prenatal vitamins and aspirin.  I'm getting used to the injections and "just do it" because I know this is what I have to do to have a baby.  Some people just have sex...I have to poke myself with hormone filled needles, have surgery and be poked and prodded by strangers.  Any woman who has gotten pregnant the "normal" way has no idea how hard this is, has no right to judge and has no right to give me advice.  Words can't describe what this feels like, physically and emotionally.  

Being afraid of needles, pain and blood I had no idea I'd be strong enough to be able to give myself injections.  I am proud of myself. It just goes to show that if you want anything bad enough, you'll do  ANYTHING to get it.  


 I had my first appointment post-injections this morning.  Luckily all my appointments so far have been before work, allowing me not to miss.  This has been a stress in the past and I've been lucky enough to avoid it.  My check up went well.  I didn't receive a call from the office which is a good thing as my bloodwork must have come back with good hormone levels.  My ultrasound already showed about 10 follicles forming (5 on each ovary)....after only 3 days on medicine.  10 is a good number but I am hoping for more...alot more.  Each follicle has the potential to hold an egg inside. I think I read that only 80% of follicles actually contain an egg and not all are mature or good quality....so while 10 seems like a good number, it's making me nervous.  If this fails we can doubtfully do this again.  I've been doing pretty good up until lately.  I'm starting to have some anxiety....not about the surgery for egg retrieval.... but about my eggs. Will I have enough?, will all become fertilized?, will the fertilized eggs grow (not all do)?, will I have enough to be frozen in case this first attempt fails?  These are all thoughts I recently have.  Luckily retrieval is only a few days away so I don't have long to think about it...but it seems like a lifetime.