As a woman it's my God given right to have children...only it's not....nothing is guaranteed. It makes you feel less of a woman. On the occasion that I get the "why don't you have kids yet" lecture or seeing the judgement across people's faces when I tell them I don't have children, it breaks you down even more. On the occasion where I get well meaning advice like "it'll happen when it happens" or "it all happens for a reason" or "I know you'll be a mom one day" or "why don't you adopt" it breaks you down even more.....because it's NOT that easy. I live it so I know it. Walk a day in my shoes....or a day in anyone's shoes of something you yourself aren't faced with day in and day out and dare to change your judgements, preconceived notions, and advice. Knowing your reproductive system works and that you can have kids is easy to take for granted...until you can't. While I know that raising children is the hardest job in the world and won't be all filled with lollipops and roses, I at least want the chance to get to experience that. I know there will be times when I will complain and think "I did this to myself, this is what I wanted", but I know the joys of raising a child will far surpass those feelings. I just want to be given a chance. It seems so unfair that the decision made for me, that there are plenty of people out there who have children who don't even want them...and. I. can't.
One thing I am grateful for is the perspective of life I have since dealing with this. I work with disabled people so I'm not naive to knowing there are people out there who have things worse than I do. While I AM grateful for what I do have, I can't help feeling a huge piece of me is missing. Infertility has made me appreciate the life I do have, makes me realize others have struggles too and make me sensitive to that. Everyone has their demons and struggles and has causes that are important to them. No one thing trumps another but when everyone around you has children it's easy to forget that. I am thankful for the great support I've been given over the past few months. There are some amazing people in my life who help me get through this in big and small ways and I am thankful for each and everyone. One way or another, with or without children I will come out of the other side. So yes to be honest sometimes well-meaning advice does hurt my feelings....I know it's hard to know what to say and when to say it. I acknowledge that, appreciate it and offer some leniency to those well meaning comments. But please say something to me. I need support even if it's just a simple hug, a hand on the shoulder or an "I'm sorry you have to go through this".