Feeling Better


The past few days have been hard....very hard.  Even though I sort of expected the last IUI to fail, it's still never easy when the news comes.  I always expect the worst and hope for the best but that's easier said than done.  Mother's day was especially difficult, but with the help of some great friends (and family) and a few encouraging words from old friends on facebook, I was able to take on the day.  Thank you all for being so kind and thoughtful.  In this journey I've learned how important friends and family are and I need support in any form people are willing to give it.  When times are rough, it's oxygen to me and it's what keeps me going.  I don't know what I would have done if I didn't go public and share my story.  My heart goes out to people suffering in silence.  This journey is hard enough, but doing it alone would be impossible.  Rightfully so, I have been extremely sensitive about what others say and I am truly sorry for taking things so personally at times. 


So Chris and I met with Dr Schinfeld this week to discuss other treatment options.  We've decided to complete one more (at most two) IUIs.  We all agree that our chances are slim, but still slightly better than doing nothing.  Most likely I will no longer be taking Clomid for the next cycle, but an injectable medication (I'm not looking forward to giving myself needles).  This stronger medication will allow me to produce even more follicles (eggs) than with clomid.  However since we have male factor infertility, the procedure will still most likely fail.  No matter how many eggs I produce, if the sperm are incapable of fertilizing the egg, it won't work.  Still trying this is better than nothing. The good news is that my "inside plumbing" is fantastic and looking much younger than for my age so we have that to our advantage.  All my labs (hormone levels) look great as well.  Unfortunately the only way to actually test the integrity of the egg is with egg retrieval for IVF....even though I ovulate, I could still be producing "bad eggs."  This procedure alone (without medication cost) runs at the lowest $9500.  


The doctor suggested we make an appointment for an IVF consult to discuss IVF in greater detail....to learn all the ins and outs.  What I  did learn is that there is about a 52% to 58% chance it will work.  We are six times more likely to become pregnant with IVF than with IUI.  Abington has one of the greatest track records in the US so I am doing my best to stay hopeful.  Our meeting is mid June so this will give me plenty of time to do more research and come up with questions. Since I lack IVF coverage, the consult alone will run us $350.  The earliest he projects that we will complete the IVF cycle is July....our finances will not allow for this until later however.  Our chances for twins and triplets will increase more with IVF than with IUI.   From our discussions, Chris and I are only willing to transfer 2 embryos at a time...triplets would be impossible for us to handle!  They frown upon transferring more than 3.  


Chris and I leave for a much needed vacation to Mexico this week.  Due to timing of the trip, we are missing this month of treatments and will be on our own.  We will resume our last (or second to last) IUI the beginning of June when we return and will also start more planning should it fail.  I am starting to recover from my loss and am feeling better and happier.  Since the time could be getting closer to motherhood, I am doing my very best to enjoy life as I know it now.  I want a baby more than anything, but looking at other parents and how they struggle, I want to enjoy life without kids while I can.