Wednesday, February 29, 2012

The story begins like any other....we met, we fell in love, got married and want to start a family of our own.  Chris and I met February 19, 2000...12 years and counting.  Our relationship, like most, consists of ups and downs.  Never in our wildest dreams did we think we would be where we are now.  You see, our dream is to have a family.  About 18 months ago is when we actively started trying.  At first, our attitude was "when it happens, it happens".  That naive way of thinking has since come and gone and has been replaced with numerous others.   For months we watched one after another get pregnant, have a baby and start a family.  We wonder when it's our turn to experience the happiness so many others have.  

Chris, born in 1971 is the oldest son of Joe and Nina. I, born in 1978, am the youngest daughter of Ron and Linda.  For those that don't want to do the math, that makes Chris 40 and me 33.  Let's face it, no one is getting any younger.  We thought we did everything right.  We went to school, waited to find “the one” to get married, secured good jobs, established our careers, bought a home, and waited until we were good and ready both financially and emotionally to start have children.  But this story does not have a happy ending….at least not yet. 

In my head I’ve picked out baby names, visually decorated what would be the nursery next to our room and have imagined all the trials and tribulations of parenthood.  The room is still empty.  Month after month we were faced with tracking ovulation and then trying to conceive only to get negative pregnancy tests, broken hopes, hearts and dreams.  We've learned many things along the way.  We've learned that while we feel alone, we are not; 1 in 8 couples suffers from infertility.  We have learned fertility does not discriminate. We have learned that infertility equally affects both men and women.  We’ve learned that while people can sympathize, few can empathize unless you’ve personally experienced it first-hand.  We’ve learned that life isn’t fair and how bad wanting something that you can’t have feels.  We’ve learned infertility is a disease of the reproductive system.  It is a real, diagnosable problem.  We’ve been educated that while infertility causes stress, stress is NOT the cause of infertility.  We’ve learned only 15 states passed laws to help offset the costs of treatment.  Pennsylvania is not one of them.  We’ve learned that not all infertility treatments lead to multiple births like “octo-mom”.  We’ve learned that fewer than 3 % of those with infertility will need advanced reproductive technologies such as IVF (that’s us!).  Most importantly we are still learning to cope with this and to support one another through our tough times.  We’ve learned how hard this can be on a marriage, how much it can both drive you apart and together all at the same time. We’ve learned it’s okay to ask for help whether it be from God or friends and family.  It has been a difficult and bumpy ride over the past few months and often times awkward and difficult to talk about with others.   We long for a child and nothing can fill that void.  Wanting a child is not like really wanting a dog that you can’t have. Many people just don’t get that.  It’s so much more.  It’s our dream.  

Months back we decided it was time to  seek the help of a reproductive endocrinologist at Abington Reproductive Medicine.   Going public with our story is a decision that was not an easy one for Chris and I to make.  It's hard enough letting complete strangers at the fertility clinic know about the most intimate details of your life.  Sometimes it's even harder sharing it with loved ones.  It's a private issue, often hard to find the right words to say, embarrassing and frightening. We both hope that by sharing our story with others that it will help anyone else experiencing this to take comfort that they are not alone and for those who aren't to become educated on infertility and how it affects us as a couple. We didn't ask for this happen.  Who would?  But here we are and like it or not we must deal with it.  We've spoken to some of you about what's going on but many times have suffered in silence.  In most of our conversations we've laid out the logistics of everything....testing, chances of conceiving, medical jargon....but for most we have left out what's really going in our hearts and minds.  Some things that we will reveal will hopefully give you an appreciation and some insight of what we are experiencing.  And so our story (and posts) begins.....


  1. You and Chris are just about the same ages of Anthony and I. I will be 33 in August and Anthony will be 40 come September. We were married in May of last year and I graduate from college next weekend. We have been together 7 years as of last month. We hope our road won't be a long one but I would be lying if I said I'm 100% confident it won't be.

    We have also picked out all our baby names - 2 boy names and 2 girl names. I just spent my lunch break at work looking at cribs and nursery themes. Sometimes I ask why I do this but other times I think it's to give myself hope. I'm not really sure to be honest. Sometimes it brings me happiness and other times I find it depressing.

    Never in my life have I ever been placed into a situation where I literally have not one ounce of control in. It's difficult. In plain and simple words - the waiting sucks. It's the worst part. We have been trying to conceive for a year now but this is only our second round of fertility treatments. So, for us, it's the beginning of the journey I guess you could say.

  2. Thanks for much for your comment....I never really know who's reading my blog and if it's helping anyone. It's nice to know I'm not alone and other people struggle with the same things we do. I too sometimes torture myself with thinking about baby names, decorating the nursery, etc... I guess it's only human nature. I have to try really hard NOT to do those things because it's only that much harder when I get a negative result. Good luck with your treatments and when things get rough, don't lose sight of your goal. I'll always be here if you need to vent!