Friday, March 10, 2017

My biggest cheerleader

Since my last post my life has forever been changed.  It's not been an easy few weeks.  After several setbacks and a canceled cycle, we failed our IVF cycle in December in our quest to have a sibling for our daughter.  January was the start of another cycle.  The day before it started my sister unexpectedly passed away leaving me, the rest of our family (7 brothers and sisters, mom and dad), her 3 children and husband behind.  It came out of no where and we still have little answers.  We were completely blindsided and as a result heartbroken beyond belief.  Infertility is difficult, but this is a whole other beast.  She died January 16th.  I had an appointment the very next day to get the cycle rolling.  I kept it knowing she would want me to.  She was behind me all the way and was cheering me on throughout this entire journey.  I can't imagine not having her in my cheerleading section.  The medications were started that day but I had to and wanted to help her husband and kids plan her funeral.  I tried my best but just couldn't get my head on straight.  The medication regime is a bit complicated and I messed it up; taking the wrong ones at the wrong time.  If you aren't versed in fertility treatments and hormones it needs to be spot on with little room for error.  After I discovered the error and had that nasty endometrial scratch test (for nothing), it was decided between my doctors and I to cancel the cycle.  It was the best thing.  I wanted to go in with little regrets.  If it failed, I would be blaming myself for messing up. 

So that brings me to the present.  I'm still grieving my dear sister but I know she'd want me to press forward.  Now having another baby means more to me than ever now.  I want my daughter to share the joys I had.  Having a sibling is a wonderful gift and I want to give her that to her so badly.  I'm on week 2 of about a 6 week cycle: 3 weeks on about 9 pills and Tgel followed by 1 to 2 weeks of injectable hormones.  I know I can do this and I will.  It does get least the  physical aspect.  I know somewhere in heaven is my biggest cheerleader cheering me on.  For now I am pressing forward, doing what is asked of me and doing my best to be a good mom in the meantime.

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