Wednesday, September 11, 2013

We will know any day now if our IVF worked and we are or aren't pregnant.  This two week wait (2ww) as they call it has been nerve wracking and harder than going through all the actual tests and procedures.  Your mind has a way of playing tricks on you and it's pretty hard to control when you want something so badly.  I've tried to keep myself busy and distracted and this has helped alot.  I'm also not getting my hopes up because I've had them crushed so many times before.  That's why I guess it's so hard to hear things like "you just never know".  That may be true, but I also know from experience many times it's not.  I'd rather be pleasantly surprised than devastated.  I guess either way I'd be devastated, but it's much harder when you think it worked and then everything comes crashing down.  The doctor's had me believing that our IUIs would work, so each time I believed them....and here we are two IVFs later.  

When I go for bloodwork, a few hours later they will call with the results.  From experience, those few hours in between having your blood drawn and getting the call are the worst. Last time I already knew it failed because mother nature told me so....but for some reason I still held onto hope that it wasn't true.  This time, mother nature hasn't yet graced me with her presence yet and I hope she takes a LONG vacation for 9 months.  

The bloodwork tests my beta hcg levels....a chemical released by the baby-to-be.  That means implantation was successful and technically you are pregnant.  That is a HUGE hurtle to cross, HOWEVER since a huge amount of pregnancies and IVFs end in chemical pregnancies or very early miscarriages, it's only the beginning.  This is why most women don't want to announce their pregnancy until after the first trimester....I won't have that luxury.  It's critical and very touch and go the next few days if I test positive.  IF I am pregnant, two days later I take another blood test to see if the levels are rising.  This is really the ONLY way to know if the baby will likely survive early on...and many don't.  I can't imagine how horrible those two days would be.  This is why when people ask me what the results are on our first test....I wouldn't feel comfortable sharing it because it's not yet official and alot can go wrong.  There would be nothing worse than telling everyone you are pregnant FINALLY only to tell them a few days later that you lost it.  I've been placed in an awkward situation because so many people are pulling for me and just want to know.  I DO TOO and I'd be ecstatic if we passed the first test (you have no idea) but it would be far from official!!!  So please understand my own sanity I don't think I can share the news (if I even get good news) too early on.  If it fails....I have another bridge to cross.  


  1. Thoughts are with you for a positive outcome and hugs otherwise.....

  2. Rachel - Best of luck. I know you've still got a lot to go through, but our thoughts and prayers are with you and Chris.

  3. Dear Rachel,
    I stumbled across this blog looking for answers (as we all do) for my super crappy egg retrieval (the 3rd) this morning. We are battling DOR, endo, blocked tubes and MFI so bad that we have ended up using donor sperm. Since we seem to be the same age (me 35, hubby 40), your blog affected me more than others that I've read.

    I just wanted to say that I feel your pain and your hopes and the crushing disappointments. I truly wish this cycle works out for you (as I also wish it works for us).

  4. Great post, Rachel! I'll be sure to keep you in my thoughts! I was hoping you could answer my question I have about your blog! My name is Heather and my email is Lifesabanquet1(at)gmail(dot)com :-)

  5. It is OCTOBER... What is the word? Are you pregnant?
    I started reading your blog and I just couldn't stop... Until I had to... Because there were NO more "Newer Posts"
    My husband and I are going thru IVF now.

  6. Curious to know how you are doing?