I wish just once I could share good news.  Thursday was the big day for egg retrieval surgery.  I took my last injection (hopefully ever) Tuesday night.  The "trigger" shot is the final step in preparing the eggs to be retrieved; it's supposed to mature and ripen them.  Immature eggs are incapable of being fertilized and are essentially useless.  Retrieval must be exactly between 35 and 36 hours after the trigger shot.  Too soon and the eggs will not be ready and are useless.  Too late and I will naturally ovulate and lose them all.  We arrived at 7:15 am and I was prepped for surgery starting at 7:30.  This time I was placed in a private room and had an absolutely wonderful nurse, Paula.  From the start she made me feel welcome and comfortable.  She went above and beyond to review my medical record with me just to give me the piece of mind that she knew who I was.  It really did help....I didn't feel like another number to her.  Even though I had gianormous veins, she had some difficulty starting the IV, mainly because I'm a needle phob and a complete baby.  I  moved and we had to start over....15 long minutes later I was starting my IV antibiotics and fluids.  My surgery was set for 9:00 and was taken into the room a little after 9:00.  I guess the doctor wasn't quite ready so I was lying on the OR table for like 15 minutes just staring at all the equipment and trying not be be a bundle of nerves.  Even though it was my second time, I was still nervous...not about the physical stuff but that I wouldn't have good results.  I just wanted to get it over with so I knew.  Within a matter of time I was put to sleep, woken up and learned I had 10 eggs retrieved.  Not too shabby, although I was still hoping for more than last time since I was on a higher dosage of hormones this round.  Upon waking I had more abdominal pain than last time and it caught me off guard.  The nurse explained that the needle (what they use to extract the eggs) tore some tissue in no man's land and I needed a stitch or two since I didn't stop bleeding.  Due to the anesthesia I was quite loopy and my emotions of the whole thing finally got to me.  She and I talked a bit about how hard IVF is and how it wears you down...how hard it is to desire something you simply cannot have.  She told me someone close to her was going through the same thing and that made me feel like she somewhat gets it.  She asked if she could say a prayer for me that we will have our baby.  I was completely touched and wished more nurses were this great.  

The following day (yesterday) I called out of work.  To be honest, if I didn't lift anything too heavy I probably could've worked but mentally I couldn't take it.  I knew at 8am I'd be getting a call from the lab to go over our results....how many of my 10 eggs were actually mature and how many fertilized.  It's a BIG deal.   Last time our numbers were SO great and I knew that there was a chance they wouldn't be this time....I just didn't expect them to be as bad as they really were.  Of 10 eggs, only FOUR were mature and could be used....only 40%!  That's awful.  I am wondering what happened...should the doctors waited one more day for the eggs to get bigger or is this just a fluke?  I just don't know.  Of the four only two fertilized.  Only two!  That's even more awful.  I knew that we have trouble getting the embryos to grow and the likelihood of them making it to transfer, dividing correctly and staying alive is bleak.  At least last time we had more than 3 times that amount to play with.  I am so upset but if we make it to transfer tomorrow I need to try to remain as stress free as possible.  This morning we received a phone call that the lonely two are doing ok.  They check only once a day to see how and if they are dividing and are alive.  Too much poking at them isn't good.  One embryo is 2 cells and the other is 4.  Those are normal numbers, but looking back at  last time it was the third day (tomorrow) that all went to hell.  Most just stayed at 2 cells.  I am hoping and praying with all my heart that they make it over the next hurdle.  I want at least two to transfer, to increase my chances.  If one or both dies, I can't bear the thought of not even having a chance.